hazards of jetlag

So, I cried myself to sleep last night. That was fun. Actually, I guess it was to be expected. I was jetlagged and I don’t do well on 2 hours of sleep at the best of times so the walls came crashing down. I was tired of being tired, of change, of being the tourist, feeling lonely, missing familiar people, sights and customs, not knowing where I belong and, above all, I was tired of thinking about it. Is the unexamined life really not worth living or am I so busy examining the moment that I’m missing life? It’s a balance I still haven’t been able to find.

But then, things change. This morning’s practice was so absolutley right. I lifted my head half way through my practice and knew that there was absolutely nowhere else I wanted to be. This is the place.

I secured a very cute apartment yesterday. I had planned for shared accomodation to make sure I socialized at least a little bit but nothing appropriate came up. My place is on the same street that stayed on my last visit, two houses down from my old apartment, which makes me happy. It’s got good energy and I know the area. I’ve got a front room where I'll spend ages in front of the window reading & watching life go by, a second room that I’ll probably write in, kitchen, bedroom, bathroom and, of course, a roof where I’ll spend hours and hours. And the walls are all painted pink. Kind of like that.

Gokulam is definately quieter at this time of year, although I expect June and July to be busier. I was the only new registrant yesterday. When I went to the shala at 6:30am there was no one waiting in the front hall, several spots were already open, and mats were spaced well apart from one another. Sharath is very present so it’s a different practice than it was in December when Guruji and Saraswati were the main teachers.