Ever seen the cookbook "Help! My Apartment Has a Kitchen"? If not, I can happily forward you one of the several copies gifted to me over the years by the well intentioned, usually given while accompanied by some variation of "I thought of you as soon as I saw it".
Having never lived down phone calls to family members asking how to know when broccoli is done cooking or what an ozen is (as if it's some kind of intuitive knowledge that 'oz' is short for 'ounce', not 'ozen'), I've stopped reaching out for help. Instead, I soldier on in silence, disposing of countless dollars worth of irreparably scalded pots and inedible food in the privacy of my own home. Although this has effectively stopped gifts of "Cooking for Dummies" and the like, it's done very little to improve my cooking. As if to remind me of my missing 'kitchen gene' after these months away, today I gave myself a cooking injury during my first real foray back into my kitchen.
Knowing that I return to the life of poverty-stricken student next week, I decided to get into the role a bit early by preparing a batch of soup from the most inexpensive vegetable I could think of - celery. My reasoning was this: celery is cheap, I'm broke and I distinctly remember going through a Cream of Celery Campbell's Soup phase; how hard could it be to make it myself?
To be fair, it's probably not the most difficult meal to prepare. And it may have turned out ok if I hadn't forgotten to secure the lid on the blender. And if the soup, fresh from the burner, hadn't exploded when I turned the blender on. And if I didn't have these welts covering the entirety of my left forearm. Who knew that celery soup, in addition to being an inexpensive meal, also holds the potential to scalds the @#$ out of your skin.
I will be accepting all meal invites for the duration of this poverty-stricken student year.
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3 comments:
ha ha ha!!! You just outed yourself! Now I can spend many happy gloating hours looking for new 'help my apartment has a kitchen' cookbooks. You are actuallly a good cook, you just suck at making down home honky tonk food. Maybe not a bad thing after all huh? ps. it was me you asked 'how to cook broccoli' and i'm sorry that I passed that gem on to anyone with ears, but I couldn't resist. You should take cooking lessons from me: it's called the telephone.... "hello, I'd like to place an order for delivery....". Oh yes, you could also befriend some radical queers and join their organic food co-op and just hang around waiting for someone else to cook all those lovely veggies.
Sigh, it's not like you can go 'home' for a meal is it? Damn these modern families! "P" doesn't cook cuz the 'smell' irritates him too much and, no, those limp veggies in the aluminum take out containers are *not* appetizing.... and "A" well.... she actually cooks now, just not for us ;0. Oh, dad's gfriend is actually a rocking cook. Befriend her.
L. (oh yes, sorry about the burns..... um, ru ok? & call if u need something. I'll take u out for dinner).
Hey there -- sorry 'bout the explosion; blenders can be hellish when they feel like it, lol. Don't give up, though: making your own soup is a good thing.
Unfortunately, given distance and importation rules, I can't help you out with meals. But I can help you out with ideas; I just posted one. Maybe you already do something like it. But if not, it isn't bad.
Take care!
-- KM
I can't believe that you said I don't cook for you - I would gladly cook for anyone who has the time to stop here and doesn't have to rush home for the dog; of course I must have advance notice so I can buy the stuff I need, Mondays are no good because of pottery, I usually work late 2 nights a week so those nights don't work; and it shouldn't be too rainy - depressing or too nice - then we should be outside - and oh yes now I remember ....
I haven't had a kitchen since April because of renovations!
Perhaps when the renovations are done I may invite you for dinner - but enough, enough negative comments about my cooking, feeding children, preparation of food or anything else related to consumption of foodstuffs!!
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