one day you finally knew...

Round and round, this is what this fish does. For a year he's swum round this bowl which looks tiny and very boring but my uncle made a good point: this is all he's ever known and the energy coming from his direction was not at all bored or unhappy - it was gorgeous and bright.

I, however, am neither a fish. I'm bored. But, then again, I'm not bored. Which makes no sense at all and I probably shouldn't try to write about it until it does but I wanted to post the fish pictures - they make me happy with their bright orange-ness - and it didn't seem right to post them with no comment at all. So I started commenting and this is where I've ended up.

So. Yeah. Bored, uninspired and unchallenged but also not bored in the least. There are so many things swirling, whirling and twirling beneath this still, mundane, unchanging surface, never mind all that's happening in the physical world, that as much as I'm bored, I also feel like I can't quite keep up - but I can't put my finger on any of it well enough to articulate. So much happening that I don't even know that I know, which , I realize, also makes no sense.

One of my teachers met my statement that I was bored with the words "Good", adding that beneath the boredom, deep creativity is at work. Things are changing, ideas are perculating, knowledge is coming and that when the timing is right it will move to the surface. I know that to be true. I feel it to be true. So, I'm biding my time, knowing that to every winter freeze there is a spring filled with new growth and that I chose boredom this year knowing there was less obvious work to be done.

In the meantime, it makes me happy to look at the pictures of the fish. I'm willing to bet that that happy, bright, vibrant little being doesn't stop his dance around his bowl to say "Wait a minute! Haven't I BEEN here already?" he just goes where he goes. So I wanted to post the pictures as a reminder to myself that sometimes it's ok not to think, or analyze, or know where I'm going or why I'm going there - sometimes its ok to just go where I go and take refuge in the present moment while I'm doing it.

"One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began..."
Mary Oliver, The Journey